Sir Didymus and the Car
by INMH
Summary: Creatures from the Labyrinth are not meant to interact with Above-World objects. First Labyrinth story!


Sir Didymus and the Car

Rating: PG/K+

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Summary: Creatures from the Labyrinth are not meant to interact with Above-World objects.

Author's Note: Yeah, did this because I wanted to. And because we had to type a story in computer class, and I figured that this would be a good option since it's the first PG story I've written for a long, long time…

Disclaimer: This may surprise you, but I don't own Labyrinth.

-

Oh, what a curious and adventurous creature Sir Didymus is!

He would ride old Ambrosius anywhere, provided Ambrosius didn't get frightened by something or another and run away, consequently dragging Didymus with him. But even then, loquacious little Didymus' ace in the hole was to threaten that he'd never feed his noble sheep-dog again, and suddenly, Ambrosius would be overtaken with courage. This had been a particularly effective method when dealing with the Goblins before reaching Jareth's castle.

But now that was all over, and dear Sarah had invited them, Ludo and Hoggle to her home. How lovely! Anything to get away from the labyrinth until Jareth… Well, had a bit of time to cool down. Let's say he doesn't take rejection from fifteen year-old girls very well. Sarah, however, was at work, and would return soon. Ludo, Hoggle, Didymus and Ambrosius patiently awaited her return in her room.

The only issue now was that Didymus was missing his beloved swamp, and his post at the bridge. How fragrant it was!

"Stinky!" Ludo protested in a groan.

"Your nose must've short-circuited somehow!"

"Say what you will!" Didymus huffed as Ludo and Hoggle expressed their distinct disgust. "But the fragrance of the swamp-"

"Has it occurred to you that there's a _reason_ everyone calls it 'The Bog of Eternal Stench'?" Hoggle snapped. "Here's a hint: IT'S BECAUSE IT REEKS!"

"Oh, you're a dwarf! What do dwarfs know about swamps anyway?" Didymus retorted.

"At least we have noses that can tell when something smells like-"

**_HONK!_**

All four… Labyrinth-ians, I suppose, jumped. Ludo managed to shake the house in doing so. Startled, he threw back his head and let out one of those long, chilling howls. The same type of chilling howl that could summon large boulders to-

A low rumbling accompanied the now flashing lights and strange noise from outside.

"Ludo, shut up!" Hoggle barked. "You're going to knock the house over!"

**_HONK! HONK! HONK!_**

"I say! What foul beast lurks outside the fair lady's house?" Didymus jumped onto the stool near Sarah's window and peered outside. "Lo! I see the knave! He makes that foul noise from the stone path to the side of the house! And his eyes flash with a most evil light that will surely flay the skin from our bones!"

Now, let's clarify: This was not, in fact, a monster of any sort. The 'creature' that lurked outside Sarah's house was, in fact, a car whose alarm system had been disturbed. But the Underground did not have cars, so our beloved characters had no way of knowing this.

"I shall conquer him!" Didymus hopped off the stool, his staff held high.

"Didymus, you lunatic! Nobody's rushing out to attack the thing, so it's probably harmless!" Hoggle growled, wincing at the shrill noise of the alarm.

"Nonsense! They hide in their homes for fear of being devoured. Ambrosius!" The calling of his noble sheepdog was conducive to an impending moment of chaos. The hound was currently under Sarah's bed, the sheets quaking as he whimpered and shook with fright from the noise. "Come, Ambrosius. The time has come for monster slaying!" A pitiful howl answered Didymus' request, and the sheets trembled even more violently. "Shall I venture this alone?"

Ambrosius let out a soft whimper, but then, defeated, crawled out from under the bed. His loyalty to Didymus ran deeper than his terror of the unknown monster, and so he would not let Didymus face the beast alone.

"Yes! I say, there be no better gift than that of the loyalty of my beloved steed!" He hopped onto Ambrosius' back. "Come! Let us march!"

Hoggle shook his head.

This would not end well.

--

Some time between Didymus leaving the room and arriving in the Williams' driveway, Sarah's father had the sense to go downstairs and shut off the alarm. When Didymus arrived on Ambrosius' back, the car was silent, still, and no longer blinking that strange white light. Now, most people might take this to mean that the 'beast' was giving up on all attempts at conflict.

Didymus didn't.

"What say you, fiend? Have you fallen silent with fear?"

No response.

Didymus' eyes narrowed.

"A moment ago your eyes flashed, and you made a noise that could frighten the Goblin King! Were you not issuing a challenge?"

No response.

"That fox is out of his bloody mind," Hoggle muttered. Ludo, also watching, looked at Hoggle with wide, innocent, uncomprehending eyes.

"Didymus crazy?" Hoggle nodded, pained.

"Didymus _very_ crazy."

Below, even Ambrosius seemed to realize that this odd, metal beast with four, round feet was no longer a threat. He glanced carefully up at Didymus, then back at the car. But Didymus did not forget such a frightening sound that the creature had made, and still thought it meant to harm them.

"Playing possum, eh? Very well then, coward! TALLY-HO!"

--

Sarah really hated her job.

Big Pete's House of Pizza Playhouse was _not_ a place any health-conscious person wanted to work. It was full of little kids that seemed to be soaked in germs, covered in dirt and perpetually sick. And, as little children tend to do (However inadvertently), they spread their germs quite effectively, and the janitorial staff _sucked_. Since acquiring the job there, she'd had two cases of the flu, a nasty cold, measles and bronchitis.

She swore on her life's blood that she would _never_ take Toby there, no matter how many times he asked.

Sighing, Sarah slowed her bike as she came within sight of the driveway…

… And then gaped with dawning horror as she caught sight of her father's car, and the triumphant fox that sat on its roof. Ambrosius was near the garage with Merlin, and both sheepdogs (Eerily identical, now that Sarah paid attention) were watching the scene with complacent looks. They were accustomed to the strange behaviors of their respective masters. Though, on Merlin's part, his mistress had never destroyed a car before…

Didymus' ears perked up as Sarah pulled back to the driveway (She'd rode past, mute with shock), and he gave a victorious laugh.

"Lady Sarah, you've returned! And you shall be pleased to hear that this evil beast will no longer befoul the sanctity of your beloved home!"

--

Jareth watched the entire conflict in the depths of a crystal, reclined on his throne. Some would say he was fascinated with the Aboveground, and enjoyed watching its going-ons.

Those of us who know better would say he was stalking Sarah.

The Goblin-King shook his head.

"That idiot. Like I'd be frightened of a car alarm."


End file.
